I'm so freakin sick of hearing people say that to me... and maybe my friends and family are sick of me saying "I'm going to lose weight.. again" and then nothing happens.

 

I don't claim to be uber-healthy or particularly bright on the subject of weight loss (or why would I be posting this site?) Because of this, I feel I'm allowed to make the mistakes I want to, use the products I want to, and share with others what I am doing.. whether it works or not. Whether other people approve or not. I DO NOT SELL ANY PRODUCTS NOR ENDORSE ANYTHING. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a diet pill junkie or anything.. but sometimes when new stuff appears on the market, I might be inclined to buy it and try it. I'm like my own personal test market.

 

The one thing I can confirm from personal experience is that Weight Watchers works. It has worked for me all four times I have joined at locations. After I get that stupid 25 lb weight loss magnet though, I quit. I don't know why.. life gets in the way and inevitably I quit. I'm an online WW member now (for the past year with little success).

 

So I say I have "plans," not just one set plan. I am currently counting points for the flex plan of WW as well as using Herbalife products such as the protein shakes.. not the pills or anything. I have a tough time getting protein in, don't eat a lot of meat. The shakes work for me so I use them.. plain and simple. I'm not doing the Herbalife plan or anything... just need something that can give me a lot of protein that I wouldn't otherwise get in a day.

 

 

 

 

Self Sabotage-step 1 (My Negative Thoughts)

One problem I have in the journey to weight loss is that I will get all hyped up to lose the weight.. feel good that I’m progressing, and try not to care that I look like absolute crap at the moment. It’s hard, if you have ever been at a normal weight (and even probably if you haven’t I suppose),.. and then to go to a completely obese body, to have a good self image. Oddly, the main reason I break down and self sabotage is because I allow my inner negative thoughts come in my head like: “you’re never gonna do this 100%,” “nobody believes you are going to lose the weight,” “you are a fat cow,” “you are ugly, girl.” These negative thoughts are the “base” of my downfall.

 

I find that when I am getting together with girl friends, now at 250 lbs, I have a flood of these bad feelings when we go out. I am embarrassed and want to hide myself at the bars. My friends are awesome and never make me feel bad at all- (thank goodness for that), but it’s ME.. it is something inside me that tells me that because I am fat and overweight, I don’t deserve to go out and have a good time, or rather, participate in life like everyone else.

 

Self Sabotage- step 2 (Fixing myself up and my appearance)

The next step for me is laziness and lethargy. I get down about those feelings and thoughts and then make absolutely no effort to fix myself up. It is true what people say, “if you feel you look good, you will feel good.” That is why being skinnier and healthy is so great.. because it FEELS good. Who doesn’t like to be told that they look great?

 

From my experience, when I am heavy, it takes an act of a greater power to get me up early and attempt to “fix myself up.” When I was thinner, this was never an issue. I always made an effort as it was a normal part of my day. Now that I’m married, my weight has soared and I think there is a lot of the thought, “well, I’m married, I don’t need to worry about impressing anyone anymore.” Isn’t that just a horrible thought? It was a total excuse and not a very good one. I still want to impress people, my husband, and myself! 

 

I have found that if I make an effort to look nice and pretty, even at the weight I am at, I do better on a weight-loss program. I also end up feeling better as I move through losing the weight. It isn’t a perfect road and a lot of times even when I try to make myself look nice, I inevitably still have that wave of “oh I am so huge.” It’s ok though, if I can tell myself it’s temporary, the thought passes.J 

 

It is easy to wake up a half hour before having to leave the house with no shower and no makeup.. throw on clothes to go out or to head to work… I have done this before. The problem is that it just enforces those hideous assumptions about fat people.. we are lazy, disgusting, and unhygienic. So, I try to give myself enough time in the morning to fix myself up as best I can, shower, wash my face with cleanser/toner/moisturizer and brush my teeth J, put on a little makeup and jewelry,  and plan out what I’m wearing as often as I can.

 

Self Sabotage – step 3 (Motivation and Education)

How is it that we, as people who struggle with our weight, can be so great at certain things like work, family, etc.. and then suck at maintaining a healthy weight?

 

I KNOW what I need to do. In fact, in college, I took like 30 credits in Kinesiology and Athletic Training.. yes, I was actually considering a career back then in Corporate Fitness if you can believe it. I know quite a bit on the subject of health and weight loss, I even still subscribe to Fitness, WW Magazine, and Shape (for the last 4 years!) I buy all the weight loss books, hoping something inside them will light a fire inside me and make me want to go work out.

 

The truth? In order for me to do it.. it isn’t a matter of motivation at all. It’s putting it in a schedule and following through with the schedule.. no matter what. Treating weight loss like a job you can’t mess up on. That’s when I do well and lose weight. If I focus on waiting until “I feel like working out” or “feel like making a WW appropriate meal” it will never happen. If I tell myself there isn’t a choice and “it’s part of my routine” something clicks a little.

 

***Losing weight is like a job, a job where your pay is in pounds off. If you don't do your job and work (out), you get no pay.***

 

I recommend (and I’m doing this too) getting a magnetic white board for your fridge that has a weekly calendar on it (or you can draw one on it) and fill in what days you plan to work out.. the hours.. leaving yourself at least a day or two of rest. That way, when you go to the fridge to get something, you always see that you have that “date” with working out. It may help you decide whether or not to pick something good or bad out of the fridge too.

 

Self Sabotage – step 4 (Clothes)

Let me tell you, the clothes don’t make the woman. I’m 28 and at 250 lbs, I am dressing a lot more matronly than I should.. or is it called "messy-dressy?" I don’t know. But I want to dress my age and wear cute stuff as I should be at this age.

 

I went to the mall the other day with some friends..  I wore a XXL v-neck gray t shirt ($5.00 from Walmart) and size 20 jeans (from Fashion Bug). I ran into an old co-worker (I used to work at the mall here when we first moved) and she took a look at me and said, “oh my gosh, are you expecting??” It was one of those gut-wrenching moments. What do you do when someone says that?…. And you aren’t pregnant.. But must look it.

 

It was devastating to be quite honest. And it wasn’t the first time someone who hasn’t seen me in a while has asked if I was pregnant because of my humongous stomach.

 

I laughed and told my former co-worker “oh no, I’ve just gotten even fatter! Haha..” .. I held it together in front of my other friends that were with me at the time (it was horribly uncomfortable) and laughed it off, and then went home and bawled my eyes out. I hadn’t thought my plain shirt from Walmart had looked that bad. What if I would have worn something a little nicer? Would she still think I was pregnant?

 

This situation prompted me to take a look at my wardrobe. I don’t make a whole lot of $$ and my husband can’t afford to keep me in anything too expensive, but I can certainly afford better than just my extremely comfortable but unattractive Walmart clothes. If I save up a little, once a month, I could even go and get a few new things from Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, or some other larger woman’s clothing store. I would ultimately like to get back into the sizes sold at Express. I used to love shopping there and still remember buying size 6 jeans from there… ah memories.